Look what I made from my finds at the Burough Highgate Market! It’s a “plowman’s board”!

Suck it @simonalkenmayer!!!! Failure, my ass!

There’s two kinds of mixed grain toast points, cured Italian ham, four cheeses including a cheese made in Bath, Cornwall, and Lancaster, and a Gouda made in Italy. The tomatoes are heirloom cherries. Mixed nuts from a stall. Rosemary and basil olive oils. Strawberries, oranges from my local Indian grocer. Mixed dates from Lebanon. The balsamic isn’t actually balsamic. It is a bottle of red wine and a bottle of cava I had in the fridge. I boiled them down with a few dates in, a bunch of sugar, a little lemon juice, and it basically tastes like a balsamic glaze. And it’s not in the pic, but I went and grabbed my spicy English mustard.

So this is what you got up to instead of getting @adevinecomedy drunk? No wonder you failed. I commend your hunger and persistence to finding good food, but you shirked your duty.

You’ve got some nerve. Maybe you should come out of hiding and do it yourself? Give the ladies some of that cuddling action you apparently talk so much about. Twerp.

Cuddling action? Since when am I a cuddler?


I cuddle him. I don’t cuddle the world’s random surplus of females. And I certainly don’t cuddle my gentle readers! That is in direct contradiction to the rules of the experiment.

“Random surplus of females”?


What would you like me to call them?


I did not cuddle her. She cuddled me. I simply didn’t stop her for risk of traumatizing her.

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