Them: “what are you?”
Me: “goth”
Them: “No, male or female?”
Me: “I’m spooky”
Them: “what’s between your legs?”
Me: “bats and lace”
“My rape-defense device.”
this is my favorite video of all time
*laughs shamelessly at their expense*
Who takes one vite of a potato chip and then puts it down?
Chewers
Jumbalya made with ground sirloin, chicken, salad shrimp, and a dinner sausage. Very good and like 5 pounds of protein in the pot.
-Sister
Hubs:I’m sorry to disturb your candy stuffing.
Me: Says the man twice as heavy as me even though I had a child. My “candy” is mostly nuts.
Hubs: Well, my nuts are mostly candy so…
Me: Explains the gay.
Hubs: That made no sense.
My 2yo: It makes sense, Daddy.
The mouths of babes, you queer dork. Eat my nuts.
*chuckles*
in my first lecture on shakespeare the lecturer opened with the words “Shakespeare is bisexual. Most literary evidence points towards this, and it is the most commonly accepted understanding of his sonnets in modern literature.
so if I have to read even ONE essay that comes to this ‘shocking’ conclusion this year, so help me god you will NOT pass this module”
anyway this is your reminder that shakespeare is bi, 100% bi, super bi, and laura jenkins wants people to shut up and focus on his fucking nature imagery thank you goodbye.
I love this professor.
*coughs*
How do i talk to goth girls at the craft store
Hang out by the plastic bats and look like you’re having trouble choosing between them
Or mention you want to learn how to crochet so that you can make a spiderweb themed scarf.
Bees are awesome creatures. Even if you’re one of the few who isn’t into wearing a beard of bees, it’s still important to bee able to identify them. Thank goodness Wrong Hands made made this handy Bee Identification Chart.
Simon's Tumblr Dump 