Spawn: Tell me the story about being strong.

Me: Story? What story is that?

Spawn: It’s important to be strong.

Me: It is indeed.

Spawn: My daddy is strong. He picks up the things and carries them.

Me: There are two kinds of strength. Strength of the body, that means you are able to lift things or run far, or be fast. And then there is strength of the mind. You must always learn, and be kind, and be brave. That is how you become strong.

Spawn: So we don’t be afraid of the dark?

Me: it’s fine to be afraid. But if you’re strong, you keep going anyway.

Spawn: I don’t know how to be strong.

Me: All the times your parents correct you, or try to teach you, all the times I’ve said ‘no’. They’re all to make you strong. Not to hurt you or to upset you. Just to make you stronger. Does that make sense?

Spawn: Yes. But I’m not strong. I still get scared and I still run away. I still don’t like dark and I still have bad dreams.

Me: You know, I will eat anything that tries to harm you. There’s nothing that is going to get you. Because if something tries, I will hit it in the stomach, knock it to the ground, and bite off its head like an alligator!

Spawn: *laughs* I will put it on my plate and then in the oven and then wash it all up, bye bye bad person.

Me: *surprised face*

Spawn: And then I will put it into the kid microwave and turn it into a surprise egg and pop it open! Let’s see what’s inside!

Me: *chuckles* Your grasp of dark humor exceeds your age, my young friend.

Perhaps not so many of those YouTube videos about playing with toys.

How old, may I ask, is that particular Spawn?  They remind me of Sammy in ways.


Yes, their grasp of dark humour certainly exceeds their age then.  Oh what a fun age that is. *chuckles*

This conversation was immediately followed by the child saying “I’m not young. I’m old like daddy is old. I’m old.”

If you really want to laugh, ask them how old daddy is, exactly.  Sammy still hasn’t fully figured out ages.  Like she knows how old she is and her siblings.  But when it comes to her parents and her grandparents?  The answers are hilarious?  And she’s convinced her married (though separated and living with my mom) aunt is still a kid.  Like she’s met my sister’s husband.  Knows all about him.  Could probably tell you that’s Rachel’s husband.  But Rachel is a kid.

But yes.  From the mouths of babes.

I will say that at times it borders on bizarre. This one will say all manner of thing that catch me off guard. It was stealing my beer. As in, it figured out how to get into my cupboard and pull out a can of beer. I use them for cooking mostly. They then figured out how to open said beer, by using a toddler’s fork to pry the tab. Then they were drinking my beer.

I found the spawn sitting on the ground in front of my television, holding an open beer can and giggling.

I said “Where on earth did you get that?”

It said “Do you want one?”

I said “You cannot have beer.”

It said “Its daddy’s soda! I like it!”

I said “Yes, but wouldn’t you rather have real soda?”

It said “No! Yuck! It’s too sweet!”

So now…I keep non-alcoholic beer in the cupboard and have noticed that the baby beer is being guzzled.

I spoke to the parents. They say, “Didn’t you say everybody used to drink beer? Even kids?”

And I said “Yes but you were all living to thirty too. Should we live by that?”

So currently, the baby is given one half a non alcoholic beer per meal. And is ecstatic to have it. And clinks glasses and says “Cheers”

Our favorite toast is “Cheers to robots”

Oh my.  It hurts to laugh this hard!

Cheers to Mommy! Cheers to Daddy! Cheers to Platypuses! Cheers to Robots!

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