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Day: September 15, 2017
Pot roast with carrots and potatoes. Its been in the slow cooker all day and I’m so excited!
Humans never cease to have patently annoying imaginations.
It annoyed me, too, when I woke up! One of the first things I said was “WTF, Simon isn’t a vampire, and he’d skin me alive if I suggested he was!” But hey, you in my mind are scary and powerful, but also caring, so my brain pasted the image of you over the creature holding me captive, because he portrayed similar traits. So at least you know I hold you in high regard? lol
If you ever ended up in a castle I owned, it would be because you were invited on an exclusive vacation catered by yours truly. We’d likely play gin rummy of a night, and walk the grounds looking for Drifters. You’d pull the rope and summon me, with a blanket and a cup of cocoa. I’m hospitable that way.
All of that sounds wonderful! I haven’t even seen a castle since I was in Germany, back in 1999, and I barely remember it, because I was like eight years old, and most of those memories are not accessible.
Though I’m not sure I’ve ever actually played gin rummy, before, so you’d have to teach me.
Beer is delicious. I take offense at this. Drink whatever you want. Gender doesn’t have anything to do with it.
I WANT to find a beer I like, but it’s so BITTER. I’m very sensitive to bitter flavours. It’s why I drink my white wines, and my coffee comes out tinged decidedly MollyAnne coloured….(Maybe Molly with a tan…)
Not all beers are bitter. As I’ve said many times, beers range from very sweet to very sour, to bready, to roasted, to coffee.
if you’ve got a beer sweet enough to taste close to soda, i’m in.
Hahahaha…yes, in fact. Beer is essentially liquid bread. It follows precisely the same rules as bread. There are sweet, sour, dark, light, and so forth. Just imagine you’re drinking bread and the taste will make sense.
Hops are a preservative that was added for transport. They became popular as a flavor additive, but most beers contain only tiny amounts. Unfortunately the beers with which Americans tend to be familiar are of the style that have a high amount of hops. So too is it true that beer should not be carbonated, but has become so after Americans got involved. Buying beer that isn’t carbonated will help largely to change your perspective on what it is.
If I tell you it is possible to get a beer that tastes like lemonade and looks like a glass of white wine, you’ll scoff at me, but I tell you it absolutely is.
So when people tell me they don’t like beer, I tell them they are ignorant, and need to try beer until they find one they do like. This is plainly true. Beers range in color from light gold to black as ink. They can be sour, sweet, herbal. They can be thick and creamy or thin. They can be bubbly or flat. They can drink like a cake or sip like wine. They can taste of fruit or chocolate. Beer is incredibly diverse.
So please don’t be so stubborn and ridiculous as to suggest that in the whole of the world and the timeline of this ancient art form, there cannot possibly be a beer that suits you, because that is utter opinionated rubbish.
Unless you have certain allergies. But even then, I put it to you that I can make you a beer that will suit you.
There’s one called the Chocolate Milkshake Porter. Can’t remember the brewery, but it tasted like chocolate milk.
I’ve had several of those. There’s also a lovely porter I once had that was a double chocolate aged in a cognac barrel. It was absolutely exquisite. Like drinking a Belgium chocolate cake.
That sounds awesome! Dark beers tend to trigger migraines for me though, are there ones you would recommend for me? I know I like citrus wheat beers, and things like Tsing Tao and Hite.
That is because you have a sulfide allergy. If you like fruity or tangy or sour flavors…I have a list of lovely beers for you. But if you want one similar to those listed – drink Czech or German pilsner. You will likely approve of those.
If you want to try the others, sour beers, lambec, and gose.
Like? “Like” is irrelevant to me. I like all the myths that grew up around my people. I like many character tropes and so forth. We like them because they were tailored to our likes. The evolved to fill a niche. They’re designed to please.
What is important is to recognize their fictitious nature and never allow your mind to be overcome by that fiction. The difficulty is…that even if you know vampires don’t exist, your mind will still experience some negative effects by being so exposed to that fiction which is built to satisfy you. You’re spoiling your brains.
Humans never cease to have patently annoying imaginations.
It annoyed me, too, when I woke up! One of the first things I said was “WTF, Simon isn’t a vampire, and he’d skin me alive if I suggested he was!” But hey, you in my mind are scary and powerful, but also caring, so my brain pasted the image of you over the creature holding me captive, because he portrayed similar traits. So at least you know I hold you in high regard? lol
If you ever ended up in a castle I owned, it would be because you were invited on an exclusive vacation catered by yours truly. We’d likely play gin rummy of a night, and walk the grounds looking for Drifters. You’d pull the rope and summon me, with a blanket and a cup of cocoa. I’m hospitable that way.
Beer is delicious. I take offense at this. Drink whatever you want. Gender doesn’t have anything to do with it.
I WANT to find a beer I like, but it’s so BITTER. I’m very sensitive to bitter flavours. It’s why I drink my white wines, and my coffee comes out tinged decidedly MollyAnne coloured….(Maybe Molly with a tan…)
Not all beers are bitter. As I’ve said many times, beers range from very sweet to very sour, to bready, to roasted, to coffee.
if you’ve got a beer sweet enough to taste close to soda, i’m in.
Hahahaha…yes, in fact. Beer is essentially liquid bread. It follows precisely the same rules as bread. There are sweet, sour, dark, light, and so forth. Just imagine you’re drinking bread and the taste will make sense.
Hops are a preservative that was added for transport. They became popular as a flavor additive, but most beers contain only tiny amounts. Unfortunately the beers with which Americans tend to be familiar are of the style that have a high amount of hops. So too is it true that beer should not be carbonated, but has become so after Americans got involved. Buying beer that isn’t carbonated will help largely to change your perspective on what it is.
If I tell you it is possible to get a beer that tastes like lemonade and looks like a glass of white wine, you’ll scoff at me, but I tell you it absolutely is.
So when people tell me they don’t like beer, I tell them they are ignorant, and need to try beer until they find one they do like. This is plainly true. Beers range in color from light gold to black as ink. They can be sour, sweet, herbal. They can be thick and creamy or thin. They can be bubbly or flat. They can drink like a cake or sip like wine. They can taste of fruit or chocolate. Beer is incredibly diverse.
So please don’t be so stubborn and ridiculous as to suggest that in the whole of the world and the timeline of this ancient art form, there cannot possibly be a beer that suits you, because that is utter opinionated rubbish.
Unless you have certain allergies. But even then, I put it to you that I can make you a beer that will suit you.
There’s one called the Chocolate Milkshake Porter. Can’t remember the brewery, but it tasted like chocolate milk.
I’ve had several of those. There’s also a lovely porter I once had that was a double chocolate aged in a cognac barrel. It was absolutely exquisite. Like drinking a Belgium chocolate cake.
PSA in dealing with blindness or the partially sighted
So those who know me know I lost my vision at 14 due to some freak immune system issues (I’ve talked about it on here) but that I still function. In fact, if I didn’t tell you I had a giant hole where your face is, you’d never know it, but I do. Because I have one foot in the world of the sight, having been extremely visual as a person, and one world in that of the visually impaired because of the extreme flux in my visual acuity, I feel like I can give you some useful tips, if you ever need to help a visually impaired person, or someone who is completely blind.
1. Don’t just help.
This is the biggest fucking issue. The fact is if I’m using my cane, I’m looking for things on the ground that are landmarks to my location. Which means if you suddenly open the door for me without saying anything and my cane can’t find it, I become extremely disoriented. ALWAYS GIVE AN AUDITORY CLUE THAT YOU ARE ASSISTING.
This includes you well-meaning but completely idiotic people who stop at intersections and then wave the blind pedestrian on. You know who you are. I don’t know, obviously, because I can’t see you, but the people that I’m usually nearby often point this out to me.
2. It’s okay to ask if the person needs assistance.
We may be frustrated but it has nothing to do with you. You won’t hurt our feelings. We don’t like NEEDING help, but that doesn’t mean we don’t need it. Just say “Excuse me, can I help?” But only if it seems a person is lost or confused.
3. Don’t shout at us.
We’re blind. Not deaf. And usually our hearing is our predominant sense. You’ll figuratively blind us by shouting.
4. If a blind person is about to step into something physically dangerous, shout “STOP” with commanding authority. And then be apologetic and humorous afterward. It’s how our cane training is done and so we learn to respond to it.
5. NEVER GRAB A BLIND PERSON.
Offer them your elbow with a verbal cue like “Here’s my arm on your left, if you need it.” The blind person has to govern their own equilibrium, which means they need the flexibility of letting go of you. If you tug them, you also pull them off balance or faster than is comfortable for them to “see” with a cane or foot.
6. Blind people don’t tap the cane for themselves.
The “tap tap” of the cane is usually used only in groups of people to alert you of their coming (though sometimes it is used the brush the cane over uneven terrain that might catch the cane and jab it into our chests). When we walk with a cane, the tip is always aligned to the opposite foot, ACROSS the body diagonally for bodily protection. We then step forward and swipe the cane to the opposite side, along the ground to accurately read the ground a few steps ahead. Tapping the cane actually can remove some of our perception of the land, but we do it for you normies, so you don’t stop dead in front of us and get your ankles bruised by a titanium rod.
7. We obey traffic patterns.
We learn these. And even if we don’t, you aren’t helping us by holding up traffic and honking at us to go ahead and cross. Actually you’re annoying us.
8. Only a small number of visually impaired people are actually COMPLETELY blind.
We are taught to optimize our sight for US. NOT YOU. So if you see a person with a cane who looks completely normal and doesn’t wear sunglasses? Guess what? They’re still partially sighted/legally blind. They’re not less deserving of attention. We wear sunglasses if our eyes are sensitive to sunlight – “photophobia”- like mine. Or we wear them to prevent the embarrassment of the wandering eye. Don’t judge a person’s capability by how they use their cane or their their eyes. Some legally blind people are only blind at night, some at day, some are blind in certain lighting conditions, some can still read with assistance and some can’t visually read at all. There is no uniformity and we optimize for us, not you. You don’t matter. So please don’t do the thing that woman on my flight to LA did and whisper to your friend that you saw me reading my (magnified and adaptive tech phone) and that you’re sure I am only playing blind to get priority boarding. Go fuck yourself with that bullshit.
9. Don’t point.
It really amazes me how many times I’ve said “what’s this?” Or “where’s that?” Only to have someone point. The fuck is wrong with you?
10. Don’t you ever dare touch a service dog unless you believe there is an immediate risk of danger.
11. Proper auditory cues.
You can’t say “it’s at 1 o’clock” for everyone, because guess what guys…not all blind people have seen clock faces! What?! OMG you’re kidding!. Instead give distances in steps, give direction in angles, give directions via landmarks not street signs. I remember one time, my friend Kirsten was asking what a person looked like, and someone said to her, “Well, they’re blond and have a heart shaped face” She said “What’s a heart shape like? And blond is yellow right? That the color of a lemon, right?”
The wrong way: “Oh it’s on Barrett street, about one hundred feet from here, at three o’clock.”
The right way: it’s about fifty paces at a right forty five degree angle from the direction you’re facing, beside a giant open park surrounded by a large metal fence. They may not be able to see the thing, but they can locate things with canes and hands, and get a feel via sound. If you know ground landmarks, like changes in paving, those are also helpful.
12. DONT HAND BLIND PEOPLE A WAD OF CHANGE, you assholes.
Hand them the change first and allow them to put it away, which they do by feel. Then hand them the bills sequentially by denominations so that they can fold and stow these bills in the way that helps them keep track of denominations. THEN hand off the receipt.
13. Don’t ask how they lost their vision.
Don’t be that guy. EVERY GUY. Jesus Christ. Some people are still dealing with the trauma from whatever it is that cost them their sight. I’m not, but I get tired of explaining it to every single fucking person I meet. Don’t say that line “Do you mind if I ask if you were born this way?” It’s none of your business. Stop treating the person like their limitation IS them. You should be helping them through their limitation so that you can GET TO THEM, and get to know the person behind it.
14. If you see a blind person traveling alone at night, and you notice someone watching or casing them, it’s okay to approach the blind person and say “I think you might be in danger. How may I help you?” And then explain the issue.
I have been followed, cased, and tracked. I realized it was happening and prevented it, with some hilarious results, but it happens. Which is why it’s ok for you to be protective of a person, it’s just not ok to be all up in their business.
15. Some blind people wear headphones or earplugs.
These aren’t a “stupid idea”. They’re actually there as a visual aid. What? Well blind people often have very sensitive hearing. Especially to high or low pitch. Many will wear earplugs or headphones to dampen or heighten certain sound values as a visual aid. I personally carry a pair with me everywhere. If I’m on a bus or train, the headphones dampen treble or higher decibels. If I’m in a noisy place like a bar or club, the plugs soften the noise, almost like wearing sunglasses in bright sun.
16. Don’t ask for Braille tutorials.
Not all of us read it. It takes a long time to learn and it’s almost entirely self taught. So if you want to learn, buy a card and get to work.
17. We memorize.
We know the layouts of rooms as instinct. Which means if I walk into a hotel, I am instantly without even thinking about it, running my hands over things, finding switches, marking strides, counting to myself, running my fingers over edges and so forth. This is how I see. So DONT MOVE SHIT. And DONT LEAVE YOUR FUCKING STUFF IN MY PATH.
18. Ray Charles was blind. Not all blind people are Ray Charles.
Stop assuming we all play music. Stop assuming that we all experience things in the same way.
19. Blind people have insomnia.
It comes from not being able to differentiate light from dark. It throws off our circadian rhythm. Meaning it can often interfere with our job, and also that we tend to become creatures of habit in order to avoid difficulty. Don’t break our habits, it throws us off.
20. Give yourself some sensitivity training.
If someone in your family or circle is blind…heck if you’re just a nice person, spend a few hours trying to do everyday tasks with your eyes shut, or put on a pair of fucked up sunglasses, or just give it a shot as you’re at work. See how long you can go before the urge to open your eyes is so powerful and overwhelming that you have to…and then imagine you don’t have a choice. That’s how it feels, every day. In every task. Be patient and kind.
There’s probably a lot more I’m forgetting. Maybe some of my blind peeps can add in?
Okay, after some serious thought, I figured I might as well add to this, partially because I’m not sure of what I experience is normal or not, also because I’m curious if anyone else deals with this:
I’m not legally blind, but if you turn on a any sort of light that is warm in color (yellow, red, orange, candle light, or the glow of your standard incandescent bulbs (with the exception of high wattage bulbs)) I can’t see for crap, and it has less to do with the fact that those are LOW lights, though it doesn’t help. They actually draw my eye, and mess with my vision, to the point where I’ve had to stop everyrhing I was doing, and start tracing walls, and shelves to make it out of rooms, because something about those colors makes it impossible to see what is illuminated around me. Why? Because literally everything starts to blend together, and all I can see is the color of the light, really, and I have no clue if that’s normal or not.
On the other hand, you know those really low, glowing green and cyan night lights? The ones that just look like a flat little panel? One of those, plugged into a wall of course, is enough for me to navigate a dark room, with toys strewn across the floor, and furniture in weird places. Cooler colors do not distract my vision, and are not just easier on my eyes, but they make it a hell of a lot easier to adjust to near darkness, because they tend to reflect off of the edges of things, instead of making everything blend together by seemingly melting into objects.
Now, am I the only person who has this issue? Anyone else?
Guess what, babe? That’s a visual impairment. It could be a specific intolerance to certain light spectrums, which is an aspect of photophobia, or it could be an actual inherited genetic color blindness, likely protanomaly, which is a lack of sensitivity to red light. It means that when certain bulbs are used, your eye cannot detect the reddish (orange-ish) spectrum of light, so when the colors bounce back, your eye goes “Wtf” and everything becomes one spectrum. I would check it. Use different color bulbs and see if you notice loss of vision in any of them and record that. It will give you an idea of what your particular color spectrum is. Now here’s the bad news: if it’s photophobia, and not color blindness, then there’s a cause. And that cause isn’t usually inherited. I would recommend you go to an eye doctor at once and have this clarified. And I’m not talking an optician. I’m talking an actual eye doctor. Tell them you are experiencing light blindness and that you think it might either be photophobia or color blindness and they’ll run the appropriate tests.
This is important, because the eye is a very delicate system and it is usually the first place symptoms of illness are located. If you have photophobia, then it could be caused by a slew of chronic illnesses, toxic exposure, and so on. So best to get it checked. If it’s color blindness, then you don’t need to worry as much, but you can wear tinted lenses that will offset the issues associated with walking into bad lighting conditions.
Do this. It’s important. Trust me on that. I ignored my symptoms for almost a year and now I am legally blind.
My “To Do” list involving my physical and mental healthy seems to be growing by the minute, but clearly my priorities on this list need some tweaking. I should make a tag for this so I can remember what it is I need to address first, but ive been trying to address my eyes for a while now, and at this point, the scary thing about this is: I’m a lot more blind than my friends, or even my mom realizes.
I’ve been to maybe ONE eye doctor (verses an optomatrist) my entire life. I was young, looked at my mom one day and said I needed glasses. His response was “there is nothing wrong, but she does have poor hand-eye coordination.”
My vision proceeded to gradually grow worse from there, and by the time I was 11, I had developed a constant headache that my doctors didn’t really address. They said “oh, it’s a migraine, try these!” The meds never worked. I told them. I told my mom. Nothing really came of it. “Some people just get migraines,” they said, and it eventually ended up being that the only thing that helped was absurd amounts of caffeine. That is how I got into drinking coffee and soda. Because it helped, and it was the only thing that did.
I got glasses when I was almost 13, and between 13 and nearly 23, I have developed a “lazy eye”, that magically switches from eye to eye, and I can almost always tell you which eye is “active”, or straight in appearance. Also, I now have an astigmatism in my stronger eye, and what started as “it appears that her eyes are only slightly off from 20/20,” has turned into “your script only changed a little, that should not impede your day to day life.”
The last optometrist I saw, I asked him about it, told him that im almost 23 and can’t drive because of it, which confused him. So i had to explain that when im behind the wheel of a car, because teust me when I say I TRIED to learn how to drive, that my eyes “switch back and forth” rapidly (again, the whole “active eye” thing), and that the yellow line in the road, at that point, is rapidly moving several feet to nthe left and right, over and over, and making it impossible for me to tell where the fuck I am in my lane. He looked mildly confused, like what i was saying sounded absolutely wild, but he said “I’ll write you a referral to a visual therapist.” I never made it to see her, because I did not have the job I do now.
So I have I known for a while that I NEED to see an opthamologist. A LONG while. But I now might be able to afford it.
(Medical neglect: because no one can AFFORD to take care of their physical health anymore).
I will admonish you to move this to the top of the list. Look up a list of known chronic or lethal diseases with ocular side effects.
Cancer, diabetes, heart disease, lover and kidney failure, and so on…
Odd things occurring in the eye are one of the first signs of a serious problem. So please do always…ALWAYS, see to your eyes first.
Simon's Tumblr Dump 