I can no longer feel my tongue. 

I should’ve used the dropper. 

I ended up drinking just over a pint of milk. 

I hope since I just tortured myself for the entertainment of strangers that a lot of people watch and reblog this.

I hope @simonalkenmayer sees this just because I can’t help but hope it makes Simon laugh. 

Firstly, it is very nice to see your face attached to your name. As for me, there’s almost nothing I appreciate more than “a fat woman eating”, and “fatness” is such an ugly word. I prefer to think you enjoy life.

Secondly,I feel you made a terrible mistake eating them consecutively. The heat would build. As I’m sure you’re aware. Do you regret that?

Pepper spray is only 3 million. Carolina reapers are currently the hottest in the world. To add ghost, scorpion, reaper, and a one million Scoville extract, means you’ve achieved something that is damn near weapon’s grade. That is impressive. You surely are FAR too much of it! Wouldn’t a toothpick have been a better option? How are you able to sit still? Every human I’ve ever seen eating something that hot has been pacing and sweating instantly. I’m very impressed. Next time, try using heavy cream or buttermilk instead of milk. It seems to more quickly bind to the capsaicin.

As for vinegar, my complaint with hot sauce is always vinegar content. I worry its because the people formulating the sauce cannot actually taste past the chili, so they add more vinegar, which to me masks the chili. I think we should really have sauces made exclusively by someone like me, who doesn’t bat an eye. For the ones that contain too much vinegar, you can alter them by adding to them, to change the acid. They still retain heat, they simply don’t have that horrible tang that over time smells more like a rancid well than a chili.

And finally…your next task is to make one of those into a Bloody Mary. Preferably a bacon Bloody Mary. Those are simply the best and reaper goes so well in them.

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