I wish there was a flipped version of Chopped Junior where the kids are the judges and they evaluate professional chefs’ meals.

“I didn’t eat your salad cause I don’t have ranch.”
“Your dish smelled weird.”
“I’m not hungry!”

That would be a refreshing ego check to witness.

My youngest would be the weird kid that tries all the veggies and it’s @simonalkenmayer‘s fault.  lol  But who would she declare winner?

You wait until she gets her gift from me.

Well yes, if you were one of the chefs, you’d be an automatic winner in her book.  But in this AU I didn’t have you competing, just influencing one of the judges into trying things.  Unless you want to compete.  But that might be cheating.

I would compete. My spawn food is amazing.

Then there is no contest!

That awkward moment when you enter a contest to have an excuse to crush your peers.

I mean who would you compete against?  I could see like oh… what’s his face… the angry British man who is REALLY good with kids.  But how is he at cooking /for/ kids?  Does he have cookie cutters in /all/ the fun shapes?  I somehow doubt it.  I mean he could sweet talk the judges alright.  But could he cook for them like our Simon could?

Who else would compete?  Who do you want to compete against?

Ramsey? I’d tried over him like Kali-ma and drink the battlefield dry.

I have no less than five hundred cookie cutters, sugar icing molds, silicone molds, and shapers. I have every condiment and additive known to man. I have an entire bin of food coloring. I have made rainbow pasta, PB&J sushi, bugs, animals, and pancakes with faces. I have snuck vegetables into all of it, and I have emerged victorious…because the Spawn eat crickets.

Fuck Gordon Ramsey.

LOL.  You definitely win, no contest.  

I wonder if I could get Sammy to eat crickets in your name.  I wonder if I’d have to eat one first.  I wonder how my slight of hand is.  Eleanor Rigby use to eat crickets but she’s blind in one eye so her depth perception is off so she can no longer hunt quite like she use to.  All that is to say Sammy is no stranger to crickets.  Though I wouldn’t offer them to her fresh and hopping.

Anyway… I want to watch you slay Bobby Flay.

That man is without honor

And Sammy has confirmed she would eat a small cricket.  But I don’t know if she really would if pressed.

Let me at her. Buy some human edible crickets and then have a live chat with me

If anyone has a hope of getting her to eat bugs, it is I.

Yeah ok.  But unlike Rebecca, there isn’t a chance you’ll talk me into eating a cricket.

Are you telling me…that you would feed your beloved pets things you yourself have not quality tested, that you know to be safe? I think of you as my outsourced knowledge of reptiles…I envision you tending them with meticulous care. Do you mean to tell me you have not found the fortitude to try one bloody protein rich insect because “ew gross” when you feed those things to all my outsourced friends?

I don’t know what to say to that.

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