hymnofvalefor:

glumshoe:

simonalkenmayer:

kitchensylph:

simonalkenmayer:

*raises a hand*

I know how. It’s illegal, but cheap.

….

Go on…

Haunted House, a recipe

Tools:

• literally anything (Anything is a weapon, but I tend to prefer my bare hands. If you cannot use your bare hands, a fork, pen, pan, rolling pin, pick axe, rat poison, industrial engine lubricant, skewer, crossbow, spare keys, old shoe, spray can and light will suffice)

Ingredients:

• a person you really cannot stand or feel the world would benefit from losing,
• your house.

Instructions:

1. Invite person to your house.
2. Take implement and insert in person

But does a violent death automatically guarantee a haunting? People are murdered all the time, yet hauntings are relatively uncommon. I think you’d need to ensure that your victim had defined “unfinished business” that would keep some manner of their energy stuck in one earthly place…. have them partially solve a jigsaw puzzle before you kill them for best results.

You know getting out a Ouija board and cursing yourself would be easier. Like ring up a sprite and call it a bitch. go to a haunted house and dare those things to follow you home.

I assure you spite is a universal thing, no matter if you’re a dead human, a demon, or a poltergeist.

Easier? But what’s the fun in that. At least my way, if I’m cursed I have a tasty snack to enjoy whilst being pestered by a spirit.

I tell you…homemade is far superior to delivery.