notquiteamason:

glumshoe:

simonalkenmayer:

kitchensylph:

simonalkenmayer:

*raises a hand*

I know how. It’s illegal, but cheap.

….

Go on…

Haunted House, a recipe

Tools:

• literally anything (Anything is a weapon, but I tend to prefer my bare hands. If you cannot use your bare hands, a fork, pen, pan, rolling pin, pick axe, rat poison, industrial engine lubricant, skewer, crossbow, spare keys, old shoe, spray can and light will suffice)

Ingredients:

• a person you really cannot stand or feel the world would benefit from losing,
• your house.

Instructions:

1. Invite person to your house.
2. Take implement and insert in person

But does a violent death automatically guarantee a haunting? People are murdered all the time, yet hauntings are relatively uncommon. I think you’d need to ensure that your victim had defined “unfinished business” that would keep some manner of their energy stuck in one earthly place…. have them partially solve a jigsaw puzzle before you kill them for best results.

alternatively: repeat until you achieve desired results. maybe third times the charm!! or seventh!! or eigthteenth!! or

I’ve repeated as many as I can. It hasn’t worked.

Conclusions: humans like to be turned into sausage.