volnixshin:

simonalkenmayer:

kitchensylph:

simonalkenmayer:

*raises a hand*

I know how. It’s illegal, but cheap.

….

Go on…

Haunted House, a recipe

Tools:

• literally anything (Anything is a weapon, but I tend to prefer my bare hands. If you cannot use your bare hands, a fork, pen, pan, rolling pin, pick axe, rat poison, industrial engine lubricant, skewer, crossbow, spare keys, old shoe, spray can and light will suffice)

Ingredients:

• a person you really cannot stand or feel the world would benefit from losing,
• your house.

Instructions:

1. Invite person to your house.
2. Take implement and insert in person

How will fisting someone make my house haunted?

Why would you go there? Clearly you didn’t read the instructions. And you immediately thought of anal insertion rather than insertion into say…an eye socket, which incidentally kills very quickly, or say…the abdominal cavity.

I tell you, if it came to only the anus, I could easily kill someone that way to…though come to think of it, I haven’t.

This seems like an oversight.