sister-forget-me-not:

simonalkenmayer:

sister-forget-me-not:

simonalkenmayer:

youcantseebutimmakingaface:

simonalkenmayer:

youcantseebutimmakingaface:

simonalkenmayer:

youcantseebutimmakingaface:

simonalkenmayer:

youcantseebutimmakingaface:

simonalkenmayer:

hymnofvalefor:

glumshoe:

simonalkenmayer:

kitchensylph:

simonalkenmayer:

*raises a hand*

I know how. It’s illegal, but cheap.

….

Go on…

Haunted House, a recipe

Tools:

  • literally anything (Anything is a weapon, but I tend to prefer my bare hands. If you cannot use your bare hands, a fork, pen, pan, rolling pin, pick axe, rat poison, industrial engine lubricant, skewer, crossbow, spare keys, old shoe, spray can and light will suffice)

Ingredients:

  • a person you really cannot stand or feel the world would benefit from losing,
  • your house.

Instructions:

  1. Invite person to your house.
  2. Take implement and insert in person

But does a violent death automatically guarantee a haunting? People are murdered all the time, yet hauntings are relatively uncommon. I think you’d need to ensure that your victim had defined “unfinished business” that would keep some manner of their energy stuck in one earthly place…. have them partially solve a jigsaw puzzle before you kill them for best results.

You know getting out a Ouija board and cursing yourself would be easier. Like ring up a sprite and call it a bitch. go to a haunted house and dare those things to follow you home.

I assure you spite is a universal thing, no matter if you’re a dead human, a demon, or a poltergeist.

Easier? But what’s the fun in that. At least my way, if I’m cursed I have a tasty snack to enjoy whilst being pestered by a spirit.

I tell you…homemade is far superior to delivery.

What if I want to inflict a Haunting on others?

Poison them and send them there, I suppose.

Hmm.

You could also talk them into killing someone, but I’ve not had much luck in that. A person either has it in them or doesn’t.

You’ve no idea how long I worked at Prelati to convince him to murder De Rais. It didn’t matter. He still wouldn’t. I finally gave up. All dead now. Half a dozen at my hand. Seems hardly worth the trouble these days.

I just want to inflict chronic bad luck and a sense of impending doom on others, because I’m petty and upset that they’ve made me feel terrified and worthless.

Ahhhh, well that is incredibly simple.

I’ve told you before, I’m an expert at faking hauntings. And with modern technology, it ought to be even simpler.

I’m about two adult tantrums away from hiding shrimp in a certain someone’s office, honestly.

She has black mold. It would be so easy to disprient her. Buy some subwoofers and play some recordings of infrasound, put out some R.E.M. Pods. Set up some times recordings. Drop some essential oils in her air vents. A little B&E and rearrange her furniture. A few sedatives here and there. Dreadfully simple.

Dont forget to be an actual monster and appear in their bedroom in full glory. Works every time.

Also, and this is just going off personal experience, a family of skunks, or I imagine cats, living under a house sounds rather convincing. I mean I knew we had critters and I don’t believe in ghosts. But some nights I start to question. Oh and squirrels in the attic crawl space. So we have it coming from below and above. Plus this is an old house in general that just likes to settle its old joints. So I swear I don’t believe in ghosts but this house man. There are nights…

If you really want impact, put a pregnant raccoon in the attic and a rabid badger in the cellar.

That’s comedy.

No cellar. We have a mudroom though.

Well that’s a recipe for getting your feet eaten.

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