Not at all.

Don’t take this the wrong way, but I am of the opinion that all of you maintain some level of delusional or psychotic behavior. Normalcy is relative. Mental health is physical health and must be maintained, and is therefore easily allowed to lapse, especially in the modern climate toward mental illness (not that the previous eras were better. In fact they were far far worse).

I say it sometimes, as I did moments ago, though I actually hate to use the word – to me you are all children. That is not to suggest that you are stupid, behind, uneducated, naive, ignorant, or malformed. I know that is what the word implies, but to me, when I say it, what I mean is I usually feel a very sincere sadness when I see one of you falter. I actually do care to see you do well. I cannot help it. I’ve been around you for a long time. I’ve been watching and I see merit and genius in you (which is not to suggest myself your better, but to say I’ve had a consistent vantage, and therefore maintain an idea of your evolution that even you forget). I want all of you to succeed. To see one fail, to see one become a blight on the others…

It does hurt me. I will kill that person as soon as look at them, I’ll grant you, but I will despise having to do it. Will I despise myself? Not in so simple a naming, no. I’m not human. I don’t feel things as you do. I don’t interact as you do. But I am sentient and do have a grasp of ethics. I understand ego and arrogance and the notions surrounding absolute power. Never you fear. I keep myself tightly regulated and despite what it may seem, live a life very small and regimented.

So, back to the question, since I’ve done what I usually do and rambled on about all the tertiary parts that touch me and never to the purpose…

Do delusional people bother me? No. Do psychotic people bother me? No. Do mentally ill people bother me? No. I’ll help all as I am able.

What bothers me are those who become predators, who target others for sport to self-medicate their own feelings of fear, self-consciousness, anger, helplessness, or ego. What bothers me are those who are destructive simply to smash everything to pieces, climb atop the pile, and declare themselves king of the rubble heap. Those are the things that bother me and while you may have your ways of confronting them, I have mine.

youcantseebutimmakingaface:

simonalkenmayer:

adevinecomedy:

simonalkenmayer:

sister-forget-me-not:

simonalkenmayer:

sister-forget-me-not:

youcantseebutimmakingaface:

simonalkenmayer:

youcantseebutimmakingaface:

simonalkenmayer:

youcantseebutimmakingaface:

simonalkenmayer:

dovewithscales:

youcantseebutimmakingaface:

simonalkenmayer:

I haven’t missed your point. I take it very well. Mine is that I am me, I speak in a formal way. If you have trouble with that, I can only advise you to see my many posts on why I speak as I do.

You do realize youve come to me, accused me of things that were entirely based on your own perception, and then accused me of malicious intent in defending myself?

I’m too old for this. This conversation is over. I have entirely too few “fucks to give”.

Troll anon is also bad at lying anon.

There’s ‘lacks reading comprehension skills’ and then there’s ‘willfully ignorant’.

Anon, buddy pal guy, what the fuck. This is the equivalent of picking a fight with the first aid station attendant because you heard people crying and assumed the dude with the neosporin was responsible.

Simon eats bad guys. Rapists, abusers, racists, etc. The exact same kind of people who have hurt many of his readers.

The kind of people we want to get eaten.

Yes, all of us would gladly stalk down and hand deliver the nearest kiddy fiddler, wolf-whistling sociopath, or internet douche to Simon, complete with apricot glaze and those ridiculous frills they used to stick on the foot ends of turkey legs. We’ve offered. You’re lucky he politely declines.

If you can’t fold side a to side b and staple that around your dense head, my friend, origami is not for you.

@simonalkenmayer You should keep posting the troll anons (you don’t have to answer them) just so we can have at them. This is brilliant right here.

I have a very conplicated answer but it is too long for me to write. Let me instead say that I don’t want anyone fighting, I am not bothered by this kind of reception – it is completely comprehensible, I feel no anger, and I need to make something clear.

While I do eat bad people, I don’t necessarily eat them because I hate bad people. I’m not fond of them, but to me you’re all children. I eat bad people because they are easier and aren’t noticed

You mean like people who post on anon?

My dear, some people would never post, if not for anon.

Gee what a pity *eyeroll*

Good thing we have anon *mimes gagging self*

Actually, it is. Many of my best and closest friends came first on anon, out of nervousness. That’s why I keep it. I know what it feels like meeting me. I can understand. So I leave it.

Oh fine. That’s a good and fair point. *is still salty*

I first reached out on anon. I’m shy and was nervous. But I quickly came off anon because I wanted to be friends and felt to be true to that I had to show my face.

I can appreciate that.

You are very intimidating at first.

Bah. Me?

I think it’s what humans bring to it that is intimidating. I am utterly passive, and you take what you take.

I’m just me…sitting here, with my recipe for human heart.

*snickers* to be fair it did take me about a month or so of waffling before I mustered up the courage to say hello. In the end though, you’re an absolute peach 🖤

*Eats pan fried human with baked peaches*

What was that?

I’m picturing some sort of porkchop analogous cut with cinnamon and allspice and a bit of paprika, to go with the peach? Mmm.

Good on you, my dear! Nix the paprika. Add a dash of Sweet Thai chili sauce and some Korean red pepper paste. I’ll give you the recipe some time.

For pork, obviously. Because I worry you’d use it on your boss.

youcantseebutimmakingaface:

sister-forget-me-not:

simonalkenmayer:

sister-forget-me-not:

simonalkenmayer:

sister-forget-me-not:

youcantseebutimmakingaface:

simonalkenmayer:

youcantseebutimmakingaface:

simonalkenmayer:

youcantseebutimmakingaface:

simonalkenmayer:

dovewithscales:

youcantseebutimmakingaface:

simonalkenmayer:

I haven’t missed your point. I take it very well. Mine is that I am me, I speak in a formal way. If you have trouble with that, I can only advise you to see my many posts on why I speak as I do.

You do realize youve come to me, accused me of things that were entirely based on your own perception, and then accused me of malicious intent in defending myself?

I’m too old for this. This conversation is over. I have entirely too few “fucks to give”.

Troll anon is also bad at lying anon.

There’s ‘lacks reading comprehension skills’ and then there’s ‘willfully ignorant’.

Anon, buddy pal guy, what the fuck. This is the equivalent of picking a fight with the first aid station attendant because you heard people crying and assumed the dude with the neosporin was responsible.

Simon eats bad guys. Rapists, abusers, racists, etc. The exact same kind of people who have hurt many of his readers.

The kind of people we want to get eaten.

Yes, all of us would gladly stalk down and hand deliver the nearest kiddy fiddler, wolf-whistling sociopath, or internet douche to Simon, complete with apricot glaze and those ridiculous frills they used to stick on the foot ends of turkey legs. We’ve offered. You’re lucky he politely declines.

If you can’t fold side a to side b and staple that around your dense head, my friend, origami is not for you.

@simonalkenmayer You should keep posting the troll anons (you don’t have to answer them) just so we can have at them. This is brilliant right here.

I have a very conplicated answer but it is too long for me to write. Let me instead say that I don’t want anyone fighting, I am not bothered by this kind of reception – it is completely comprehensible, I feel no anger, and I need to make something clear.

While I do eat bad people, I don’t necessarily eat them because I hate bad people. I’m not fond of them, but to me you’re all children. I eat bad people because they are easier and aren’t noticed

You mean like people who post on anon?

My dear, some people would never post, if not for anon.

Gee what a pity *eyeroll*

Good thing we have anon *mimes gagging self*

Actually, it is. Many of my best and closest friends came first on anon, out of nervousness. That’s why I keep it. I know what it feels like meeting me. I can understand. So I leave it.

Oh fine. That’s a good and fair point. *is still salty*

I first reached out on anon. I’m shy and was nervous. But I quickly came off anon because I wanted to be friends and felt to be true to that I had to show my face.

I can appreciate that.

You are very intimidating at first.

Bah. Me?

I think it’s what humans bring to it that is intimidating. I am utterly passive, and you take what you take.

I’m just me…sitting here, with my recipe for human heart.

Oddly that isn’t what I find intimidating.

You were just this incredibly kind and popular person and here I was feeling like the most unloved person in the world. And I wasn’t just reaching out to an individual, by reaching out to you, but a whole community of potential friends. And yes it was intimidating.

But that’s the thing about the kind… the truly kind… they are very welcoming. And so was everyone else.

So I understand the purpose of anon, if it gives others the courage to reach out at first. Just to any other (not mean) anons reading this, please know this group is very kind and even loving. So when you are ready to come of anon, you have friends here.

Including me. I’m glad you’re here, you unforgettable you.

Seeing this warms what has always been a chilly heart. Thank you for that.

ain-individual:

simonalkenmayer:

adevinecomedy:

simonalkenmayer:

sister-forget-me-not:

simonalkenmayer:

sister-forget-me-not:

youcantseebutimmakingaface:

simonalkenmayer:

youcantseebutimmakingaface:

simonalkenmayer:

youcantseebutimmakingaface:

simonalkenmayer:

dovewithscales:

youcantseebutimmakingaface:

simonalkenmayer:

I haven’t missed your point. I take it very well. Mine is that I am me, I speak in a formal way. If you have trouble with that, I can only advise you to see my many posts on why I speak as I do.

You do realize youve come to me, accused me of things that were entirely based on your own perception, and then accused me of malicious intent in defending myself?

I’m too old for this. This conversation is over. I have entirely too few “fucks to give”.

Troll anon is also bad at lying anon.

There’s ‘lacks reading comprehension skills’ and then there’s ‘willfully ignorant’.

Anon, buddy pal guy, what the fuck. This is the equivalent of picking a fight with the first aid station attendant because you heard people crying and assumed the dude with the neosporin was responsible.

Simon eats bad guys. Rapists, abusers, racists, etc. The exact same kind of people who have hurt many of his readers.

The kind of people we want to get eaten.

Yes, all of us would gladly stalk down and hand deliver the nearest kiddy fiddler, wolf-whistling sociopath, or internet douche to Simon, complete with apricot glaze and those ridiculous frills they used to stick on the foot ends of turkey legs. We’ve offered. You’re lucky he politely declines.

If you can’t fold side a to side b and staple that around your dense head, my friend, origami is not for you.

@simonalkenmayer You should keep posting the troll anons (you don’t have to answer them) just so we can have at them. This is brilliant right here.

I have a very conplicated answer but it is too long for me to write. Let me instead say that I don’t want anyone fighting, I am not bothered by this kind of reception – it is completely comprehensible, I feel no anger, and I need to make something clear.

While I do eat bad people, I don’t necessarily eat them because I hate bad people. I’m not fond of them, but to me you’re all children. I eat bad people because they are easier and aren’t noticed

You mean like people who post on anon?

My dear, some people would never post, if not for anon.

Gee what a pity *eyeroll*

Good thing we have anon *mimes gagging self*

Actually, it is. Many of my best and closest friends came first on anon, out of nervousness. That’s why I keep it. I know what it feels like meeting me. I can understand. So I leave it.

Oh fine. That’s a good and fair point. *is still salty*

I first reached out on anon. I’m shy and was nervous. But I quickly came off anon because I wanted to be friends and felt to be true to that I had to show my face.

I can appreciate that.

You are very intimidating at first.

Bah. Me?

I think it’s what humans bring to it that is intimidating. I am utterly passive, and you take what you take.

I’m just me…sitting here, with my recipe for human heart.

*snickers* to be fair it did take me about a month or so of waffling before I mustered up the courage to say hello. In the end though, you’re an absolute peach 🖤

*Eats pan fried human with baked peaches*

What was that?

*Looks at my pastry shelf*

Hey Simon’s Readers! I heard you like cinnamon rolls! So I got some cinnamon rolls so that the sinnamon roll can get some cinnamon rolls in him!

Now, how to add the meat…

Bake it in the old spices and then poke it in the folds.

Apparently someone who wrote a detailed blog description, a website, several books, short stories, essays, posts, and social media blurbs that are completely pointless, because no one bothers to read them before asking a question. I’ve no reason to answer, since it’s become exceedingly clear the people who have asked the questions do not make it a habit to read what I write.

I apologize for registering annoyance or perplexity, but you’d have the answer to your question if you looked at the text over which you had to move in order to access the “ask” function.

But cheers to you for not asking this “on anon”. I do appreciate when people use their names. I’ll invite you to read the description, assess the materials provided, become a part of my experiment…

Or bugger off.

It’s entirely up to you. I’m happy for more participants, but incrementally less amused by the lack of common sense.

Could it be…? Have we found…

Awesome Sauce?

A recipe, if you please? Or some means of procuring it?

Do you know what else is true of the police? They almost never look up.

You’ll pardon me if I remain on the rooftops, and avoid that board. Although, to be honest, I’ve been skating since long before you modern folks realized it was a thing. All one had to do was wait for the freeze and go out of Moorgate with a few long bones and some leather cording. We had skates, sleds, boards, skis.