I just wanted to thank you for what you do for this community. You really help me put things into perspective and I know a lot of other people feel the same way. I wish there was something I could do to thank you. Can I send you a cake? (Recipe has been unchanged for the last 7 generations at least, has won many awards, I think you’d really enjoy it).

I am very flattered. I don’t require any niceties. I’m very pleased to be of service, and am content to be helpful. However, I’ve learned that it is sometimes wise to accept gratitude when it is offered. So, if you want to do something nice for me, then just share my work with
other people you think might benefit, and we will call it even.

But cake…award winning cake? You cut me to the bone. I cannot say no to food. It’s not in me to do, you see. But you see, my location is kept secret for important reasons. All gifts or fanmail are routed through my agency, and well, my agent has begun to tap her toe at me. She tells me I need to set up a post office box for all the treats people send me, but pardon me if I point out that if I set up a box anywhere close enough for me to check, everyone would know where I was.

What’s even worse, is that my agent cannot even be bribed with cake, because…*sigh* she is doing a “low carb diet” and doesn’t eat it.

It’s wretched. Last Christmas, I was sent all manner of treats, which made me immensely happy, but when the total costs of shipping were tallied, it canceled out the entire month of December’s royalties.


So yes, I accept small gifts, and there are other people to whom I could have these gifts shipped (like @kristinalmeister who would tax them and then gladly ship them to me, but ah me, she’s in the UK until November) but I do think it would be too much trouble for you. Therefore, why don’t you just give me the secret recipe…and let me try to make said cake myself? Perhaps? Firstly, I would never tell another soul. Secondly, I would make a fun day of it. Thirdly, I would preserve the recipe for all time.

*sinister finger tapping*

Consider it.

And know that you needn’t do anything for me. I don’t do anything in hopes of reward. That you have a benefit is enough for me.

Truly. I mean that.

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