Yes.

Chef tries to “neck me”…ends up wincing in pain and washes his face in heavy cream.

*chuckles*

horreurscopes:

a few fun octopus facts:

• their arms are similar to our tongues in that their muscle fibers are  oriented in three different directions 
• octopuses are disconcertingly strong (anecdotal evidence says that a 15 inch wide octopus was as strong as the scientist handling it)
• on that note that same scientist said that when her octopuses escaped she would have to run behind them, “like cats” (paraphrased from sy montgomery’s the soul of an octopus)
• aquariums have “octopus enriching programs” so they don’t get bored and fuck shit up in their tanks
• they are crazy smart like. really. really fucking smart 
• but we can’t compare their intelligence to ours because our evolution branched from the same common ancestor so long ago we cannot comprehend how they think
• it’s believed that their intelligence evolved when they lost their shell, and had to adapt to predict how countless of different prey and predators would act, how to avoid them, distract them, lure them or trick them 
• they visualize how other creatures are going to act, which means they have have awareness that others are individuals which is a type of consciousness but i can’t remember what it’s called right now 
• like, they use tools 
• they have distinct personalities 
• aquarium octopuses are socialized from a very young age and even though in the wild they are solitary creatures they become extremely friendly with enough human exposure
• sometimes they dislike people for no apparent reason and will shoot water at them
• they have three hearts 
• each of their arms has a tiny brain that controls movement and sensory input on its own i shit you not
• they are color blind and yet they can camouflage their color and nobody knows how 
• they can change the color and texture of their skin faster than human eyes can keep up with it
• great pacific octopuses are white when they are peaceful, and red when they’re excited 
• aquarium octopus have escaped their tanks and slithered down pipes into the ocean 
• escaped their tanks to eat the fish in other tanks 
• escaped their tanks to go fight other octopuses cuz they were bored
• octopus fight club
• learned how to take photographs
• cost thousands of dollars by flooding new floors
• they can feel, taste, and smell with their suckers and all of their skin
• they enjoy tasting their food by slowly moving it through their suckers instead of shoving it in their beaks

• they can rewrite their rna. no, really

• the only reason why they haven’t evolved to take over as the next dominant race is because they’re doing pretty well  in the ocean so there’s no need for them to adapt further 
• there’s a ton more but i’m so overwhelmed by love i can’ think of any at the moment i’m going to cry
• read the soul of an octopus by sy mongomery no she didn’t pay me i just love octopuses so much 

Surely you jest.

I watched Coffee Prince likely while you were in knee britches.

Don’t insult me.

That was humor.

jamisings:

simonalkenmayer:

jamisings:

simonalkenmayer:

pipeworks:

*gazes into the abyss*

*abyss gazes back*

*quickly turns head and acts like i wasn’t staring*

*abyss knows better and narrows its gaze*

*catches abyss staring at her, gets sick of it, winks and makes kissy face at abyss*

*abyss shrieks “EWW! Fat chick just flirted with me!* and runs away*

Why does everyone assume the Abyss is undignified?

Because the Abyss is just a projection of ourselves. And I’m about as dignified as leftover mashed potatoes. 

Is this why everyone keeps making swooping jokes at me? To turn me into a copy of themselves? I wonder if that makes it easier.

jamisings:

simonalkenmayer:

pipeworks:

*gazes into the abyss*

*abyss gazes back*

*quickly turns head and acts like i wasn’t staring*

*abyss knows better and narrows its gaze*

*catches abyss staring at her, gets sick of it, winks and makes kissy face at abyss*

*abyss shrieks “EWW! Fat chick just flirted with me!* and runs away*

Why does everyone assume the Abyss is undignified?

The silence.

usbdongle:

slimetony:

Anybody know any good substitutes for love and personal fulfillment

crunchwrap supreme from taco bell

pipeworks:

*gazes into the abyss*

*abyss gazes back*

*quickly turns head and acts like i wasn’t staring*

*abyss knows better and narrows its gaze*