Here you will find the stockpile of the social media associated with the Creature's Cookbook experiment. You can scroll through it, or simply use the search feature to find posts by keyword.
It has come to my attention that one of my gentle readers,
@gabriel-wolfe-wordsmith is about to “tie the knot” and tells me that he
and his bride-to-be have not registered anywhere! This is very
concerning to me. I have since encouraged the couple to arrange a
crowdfunding link, so that we can gather up a few contribution here or
there for their nuptials. Any small bit helps! As my first gentle reader
wedding (of which I’ve been made aware) I’d like to celebrate!
I have a very advanced sense of smell and taste. By “advanced” I do not mean “better” I mean, “different”. And to me things of subtlety have great impact. That aside, I have an excellent grasp of human stomachs, what their body likes inspite of them and the things that make an impression. This seems easy, but it takes a deft hand, because when facing an opponent with a good grasp of nuance, you have to know when too much is too much for a human mouth.
The trick is, to give a large lure, then make it not so overpowering that the human mouth cannot taste beyond it. Everything has to have a counterbalance. Fat, needs acid. Acid, needs protein. Protein needs minerals, Minerals need sweetness. If you can make every bite an exploration, you’ve won. And only novices who are undone by adrenalin have no sense of time management.
I’ve also noticed that judges tend to be ridiculously swayed by the story involved. I wouldn’t have one. The food is either the food, or it isn’t. I care that you have cancer, but not when it comes to the food. The prize is based on merit, Not sentimentality.
I’d rather remain behind the partition and make food that has humans leaning back in their chairs, unbuttoning that top button, silent and warm and happy, than to spread foam over the mess and call it art.
Food is meant to be ennoyed with the eye, then consumed. Period. If inedible, no point. Go home.
…can you make me food…
That breaks the rules of the experiment, but only because shipping it would be disastrous and never do the food justice.
If only we could 3D print food/teleport things…
I’d never need to eat human again. You could photocopy me your liver and I’d be eternally grateful
I was thinking more like star trek transport and less like star trek food replicators
Have some ambition. Why do you think I invest in vat grown tissue? Burn patients?
Well…yes those, but also because I don’t want to eat humans if it involves moral quandaries and authorities hunting me down.
The awards and criteria were very well defined, but I felt that some were particularly close to my heart, and so were worthy of mention as well. Therefore, I reserve the right to hand out a few consolation prizes for effort!!!
For our costume contest:
This was by far our most contested win. We had several front-runners who all favored well with a narrow margin… However…the winner, @youcantseebutimmakingaface is disqualified, due to being on my payroll (she knew this was likely to happen). Let’s all thank her for her amazing raven mask, but…she knew the possible outcome! And so the win goes to @silver-arrows for that charming costume he gave us. He was our first entry, which in future years should show you that getting the entry in early is best,
HOWEVER, there was a near tie. I am very pleased with the results!!! And I am overjoyed that so many participated, so…if you submitted a contest…contact me for a consolation prize. I’m of a mind to reward everyone for giving it their best!
Honorary Costume mention:
This is entirely due to sentimentality and I hope you don’t mind, but…I’ve never before had someone wear a costume to look like me, and so, I must give of my heart. And so, for her stunning Simone costume, @ain-individual will receive a Pocket Simon!
From our children’s competition!:
Our winner from the “children’s” category is Sambam the offspring of @sister-forget-me-not who charmed all of us with her powerful Wonder Woman costume! As per the arrangement, she will receive some signed children’s books and a Pocket Simon. However…I was already making her a special Pocket Simon, and so, I’m afraid I shall have to supplement her prize with a special gift…
I’ll never tell.
For the pumpkin contest:
Our clear winner was @outskirts-of-nowhere‘s brother with his teeny tiny miniature pumpkin, nevertheless carved with expert form! For this, he will receive a signed copy of my book and a Pocket Simon…that his sister will likely kidnap.
Honorary mention:
I felt that @idlephilomath‘s pumpkin, which was my book cover, was especially outstanding and touching to me, and so I have decided to award them with a special prize! A signed copy of the new print copy of my book this March! One of the first off the presses!
For our treat contest:
The clear winner is @korbensdeliveryservice with the delectable holiday tarts! I can say nothing other than that I am entirely jealous of the creative writing club that got to eat them, and that @korbensdeliveryservice will receive a signed copy of my book and a special food related prize!
If you have been tagged in this post, you are a winner. If you entered the costume contest, you have a consolation prize coming to you. Please message me your mailing address, and I will send you your prizes as soon as I can. If you are a book winner and would like the vanity copy of my book (errors included) please do let me know. But if you’d like to hold out for the full print copy after they come out in March, I’m happy to oblige.
I host many contests per year. Our next prize-winning opportunity is the Bad Recipe Contest in December. So…If your family is cursed with a terrible cook, mine them for recipes. I will know if you are cheating, but…if your horrible family recipe is bad enough, you could take it. See our previous winners with the pork chop raisin lasagna and the meat paste mayo pineapple! You can do this. Redeem your horrible childhood moments. This year’s prize promises to be exceptional…
And I do mean that…
So give it your best!
Congratulations to all the winners, and thanks everyone for entering!!! It was lovely seeing all your wonderful creations on my dashboard!
It isn’t the winning that is the trouble. It’s the refraining from killing everyone while participating. I am not allowed to watch food television anymore because I put a lamp through a television.
The awards and criteria were very well defined, but I felt that some were particularly close to my heart, and so were worthy of mention as well. Therefore, I reserve the right to hand out a few consolation prizes for effort!!!
For our costume contest:
This was by far our most contested win. We had several front-runners who all favored well with a narrow margin… However…the winner, @youcantseebutimmakingaface is disqualified, due to being on my payroll (she knew this was likely to happen). Let’s all thank her for her amazing raven mask, but…she knew the possible outcome! And so the win goes to @silver-arrows for that charming costume he gave us. He was our first entry, which in future years should show you that getting the entry in early is best,
HOWEVER, there was a near tie. I am very pleased with the results!!! And I am overjoyed that so many participated, so…if you submitted a contest…contact me for a consolation prize. I’m of a mind to reward everyone for giving it their best!
Honorary Costume mention:
This is entirely due to sentimentality and I hope you don’t mind, but…I’ve never before had someone wear a costume to look like me, and so, I must give of my heart. And so, for her stunning Simone costume, @ain-individual will receive a Pocket Simon!
From our children’s competition!:
Our winner from the “children’s” category is Sambam the offspring of @sister-forget-me-not who charmed all of us with her powerful Wonder Woman costume! As per the arrangement, she will receive some signed children’s books and a Pocket Simon. However…I was already making her a special Pocket Simon, and so, I’m afraid I shall have to supplement her prize with a special gift…
I’ll never tell.
For the pumpkin contest:
Our clear winner was @outskirts-of-nowhere‘s brother with his teeny tiny miniature pumpkin, nevertheless carved with expert form! For this, he will receive a signed copy of my book and a Pocket Simon…that his sister will likely kidnap.
Honorary mention:
I felt that @idlephilomath‘s pumpkin, which was my book cover, was especially outstanding and touching to me, and so I have decided to award them with a special prize! A signed copy of the new print copy of my book this March! One of the first off the presses!
For our treat contest:
The clear winner is @korbensdeliveryservice with the delectable holiday tarts! I can say nothing other than that I am entirely jealous of the creative writing club that got to eat them, and that @korbensdeliveryservice will receive a signed copy of my book and a special food related prize!
If you have been tagged in this post, you are a winner. If you entered the costume contest, you have a consolation prize coming to you. Please message me your mailing address, and I will send you your prizes as soon as I can. If you are a book winner and would like the vanity copy of my book (errors included) please do let me know. But if you’d like to hold out for the full print copy after they come out in March, I’m happy to oblige.
I host many contests per year. Our next prize-winning opportunity is the Bad Recipe Contest in December. So…If your family is cursed with a terrible cook, mine them for recipes. I will know if you are cheating, but…if your horrible family recipe is bad enough, you could take it. See our previous winners with the pork chop raisin lasagna and the meat paste mayo pineapple! You can do this. Redeem your horrible childhood moments. This year’s prize promises to be exceptional…
And I do mean that…
So give it your best!
I am so thankful to everyone who voted for me and I am definitely proud of myself and the stuff I learned in making it!
Congratulations to all the winners and please keep the contests coming! I’ll do my best to ensure they’re great, and enter for fun! Of course I can’t win the things I helped create, that’s hella cheating! I just like participating.
Your costume no doubt encouraged people to enter, so you are more than welcome to participate any time. As you saw, Kristina also entered, and I can tell you that if there is one thing she never wants to see again, it’s my book. And the only thing she wants my autograph on is a check. So…
The awards and criteria were very well defined, but I felt that some were particularly close to my heart, and so were worthy of mention as well. Therefore, I reserve the right to hand out a few consolation prizes for effort!!!
For our costume contest:
This was by far our most contested win. We had several front-runners who all favored well with a narrow margin… However…the winner, @youcantseebutimmakingaface is disqualified, due to being on my payroll (she knew this was likely to happen). Let’s all thank her for her amazing raven mask, but…she knew the possible outcome! And so the win goes to @silver-arrows for that charming costume he gave us. He was our first entry, which in future years should show you that getting the entry in early is best,
HOWEVER, there was a near tie. I am very pleased with the results!!! And I am overjoyed that so many participated, so…if you submitted a contest…contact me for a consolation prize. I’m of a mind to reward everyone for giving it their best!
Honorary Costume mention:
This is entirely due to sentimentality and I hope you don’t mind, but…I’ve never before had someone wear a costume to look like me, and so, I must give of my heart. And so, for her stunning Simone costume, @ain-individual will receive a Pocket Simon!
From our children’s competition!:
Our winner from the “children’s” category is Sambam the offspring of @sister-forget-me-not who charmed all of us with her powerful Wonder Woman costume! As per the arrangement, she will receive some signed children’s books and a Pocket Simon. However…I was already making her a special Pocket Simon, and so, I’m afraid I shall have to supplement her prize with a special gift…
I’ll never tell.
For the pumpkin contest:
Our clear winner was @outskirts-of-nowhere‘s brother with his teeny tiny miniature pumpkin, nevertheless carved with expert form! For this, he will receive a signed copy of my book and a Pocket Simon…that his sister will likely kidnap.
Honorary mention:
I felt that @idlephilomath‘s pumpkin, which was my book cover, was especially outstanding and touching to me, and so I have decided to award them with a special prize! A signed copy of the new print copy of my book this March! One of the first off the presses!
For our treat contest:
The clear winner is @korbensdeliveryservice with the delectable holiday tarts! I can say nothing other than that I am entirely jealous of the creative writing club that got to eat them, and that @korbensdeliveryservice will receive a signed copy of my book and a special food related prize!
If you have been tagged in this post, you are a winner. If you entered the costume contest, you have a consolation prize coming to you. Please message me your mailing address, and I will send you your prizes as soon as I can. If you are a book winner and would like the vanity copy of my book (errors included) please do let me know. But if you’d like to hold out for the full print copy after they come out in March, I’m happy to oblige.
I host many contests per year. Our next prize-winning opportunity is the Bad Recipe Contest in December. So…If your family is cursed with a terrible cook, mine them for recipes. I will know if you are cheating, but…if your horrible family recipe is bad enough, you could take it. See our previous winners with the pork chop raisin lasagna and the meat paste mayo pineapple! You can do this. Redeem your horrible childhood moments. This year’s prize promises to be exceptional…
And I do mean that…
So give it your best!
*me, jumping around my room in excitement*: I’m a perfectly dignified person, I swear…
The awards and criteria were very well defined, but I felt that some were particularly close to my heart, and so were worthy of mention as well. Therefore, I reserve the right to hand out a few consolation prizes for effort!!!
For our costume contest:
This was by far our most contested win. We had several front-runners who all favored well with a narrow margin… However…the winner, @youcantseebutimmakingaface is disqualified, due to being on my payroll (she knew this was likely to happen). Let’s all thank her for her amazing raven mask, but…she knew the possible outcome! And so the win goes to @silver-arrows for that charming costume he gave us. He was our first entry, which in future years should show you that getting the entry in early is best,
HOWEVER, there was a near tie. I am very pleased with the results!!! And I am overjoyed that so many participated, so…if you submitted a contest…contact me for a consolation prize. I’m of a mind to reward everyone for giving it their best!
Honorary Costume mention:
This is entirely due to sentimentality and I hope you don’t mind, but…I’ve never before had someone wear a costume to look like me, and so, I must give of my heart. And so, for her stunning Simone costume, @ain-individual will receive a Pocket Simon!
From our children’s competition!:
Our winner from the “children’s” category is Sambam the offspring of @sister-forget-me-not who charmed all of us with her powerful Wonder Woman costume! As per the arrangement, she will receive some signed children’s books and a Pocket Simon. However…I was already making her a special Pocket Simon, and so, I’m afraid I shall have to supplement her prize with a special gift…
I’ll never tell.
For the pumpkin contest:
Our clear winner was @outskirts-of-nowhere‘s brother with his teeny tiny miniature pumpkin, nevertheless carved with expert form! For this, he will receive a signed copy of my book and a Pocket Simon…that his sister will likely kidnap.
Honorary mention:
I felt that @idlephilomath‘s pumpkin, which was my book cover, was especially outstanding and touching to me, and so I have decided to award them with a special prize! A signed copy of the new print copy of my book this March! One of the first off the presses!
For our treat contest:
The clear winner is @korbensdeliveryservice with the delectable holiday tarts! I can say nothing other than that I am entirely jealous of the creative writing club that got to eat them, and that @korbensdeliveryservice will receive a signed copy of my book and a special food related prize!
If you have been tagged in this post, you are a winner. If you entered the costume contest, you have a consolation prize coming to you. Please message me your mailing address, and I will send you your prizes as soon as I can. If you are a book winner and would like the vanity copy of my book (errors included) please do let me know. But if you’d like to hold out for the full print copy after they come out in March, I’m happy to oblige.
I host many contests per year. Our next prize-winning opportunity is the Bad Recipe Contest in December. So…If your family is cursed with a terrible cook, mine them for recipes. I will know if you are cheating, but…if your horrible family recipe is bad enough, you could take it. See our previous winners with the pork chop raisin lasagna and the meat paste mayo pineapple! You can do this. Redeem your horrible childhood moments. This year’s prize promises to be exceptional…
Simon's Tumblr Dump 