I adore when you get excited over your own jokes. It’s adorable.

I’m humorous so seldom, it’s sometimes delightful to make someone laugh. Also, part of immortality is longevity–staying abreast of all things modern. I try, but the truth is that global communication and instantaneous informational feedback have made that prospect a daunting one. I do work hard at it–turns of phrase, memes, slang, but it isn’t easy.

So when I succeed at a new-styled joke, I know I am learning things precisely as they should be taught and I am content. 

The experiment is an excellent source of such education and I am eternally grateful for all the help my gentle readers provide for explanation. It is very much appreciated.





“I visited the
pumpkin patch yesterday and decided to bring home a pumpkin that in
shape appeared to be a penguin. Friends and family were mystified until I
started painting him.“


by Volensblood


A Penguikin

This word smashing makes it seem like the pumpkin is penguin-kin

Yes…I know. It was a pun! You see? I have a sense of humor and I can apply that to modern frameworks!


I love it when I succeed at jokes.

Are you , by any chance, a psychopath or some kind of narcissic ?

I believe the word you were searching for was “narcissist”.

Neither, I’m afraid. It would make everything I say rather cut and dry and simple, wouldn’t it. I think you’ll find, the longer you track me, that nothing I say or do fits those two labels at all. 

In fact, I view kindness and compassion as a discipline and work very diligently at it. not because I lack emotions, but because the quality of them differs from human experience and many of the things that hurt you have absolutely no consequences for me. I have to manufacture empathy, but I can absolutely do that, because I am not a psychopath or a self-absorbed narcissist. 

Please do feel free to read the FAQ linked in the description. You may find it very helpful.

I’ve been working very hard. My newest Snack, the one that turned into something of a Novella, will soon be ready. Not sure when it will debut, as we aim to coordinate it with publication simultaneously on all platforms, but I am very proud of it. It took a great deal of emotion to sit and think and truly relive that time in my life, the emotions and disillusionment and so forth.

I’m wondering though, and this is merely a small question, do you mind if I do not include certain sensitive issues? I promised I would tell the story of how I am involved in the death of one of California’s founding fathers, but I hesitate, because that wasn’t so long ago and the man still may have living descendants. I don’t now how bad repercussions might be, if I say everything outright. So would you mind terribly, if I simply avoid discussing that, and leave it to your very talented imaginations, though the method and circumstances ought to be extremely clear?

I’ve taken great care with this story, because so many of the principle players in it were at the time, very well known. Some are mere historical footnotes, but they all have streets named after them, if that says anything. I wanted my actions and feelings to be clear, because one always faces backlash when one tears down the idealized reputation of men who escaped the perfection of hindsight.

Drunk human here. Thanks, Simon for being. You are a very important part of my tumblr created safe universe. Even though you are a self-identified monster, you are kinder and more humane than any human I have ever met. Humans have proved themselves far more monstrous than you have. Thanks for your kindness and experiential wisdom.

I would say they’ve proven to be far less monstrous. Which is to say, I define myself as being the monster and they but poor substitutes. “Monster” is an ancient word which has nothing whatsoever to do with evil. I might have known they’d try to steal and redefine it.







I heard you like knives, so here is a knife song, made entirely out of knives. (And other assorted blades.) Please listen with headphones, for the full L/R split effect experience!

I purposely left this piece a bit atonal, since it is literally made from the sounds of me hitting and scraping blades together in front of a microphone at 12:36am one recent night, and also because I think it adds to the “Scary ASMR” aspect. I am also rearranging this for piano, and that will probably sound a lot more traditionally nice.

While this one…just sounds traditionally knife.

(I’d say I’m sorry for that pun, but I really am not.)

As with the last piece I posted, the concept, and also the title, were inspired by @simonalkenmayer‘s work. It was also inspired by Andrew Huang, a youtube musician who often starts with sound effects and ends up with really musically awesome results. It was very fun, and also, the most dangerous song I have ever recorded.


I hope you didn’t hurt yourself! 

Thank you very much. As usual, I am very impressed. This is wonderful! How did you ever devise such a thing?

Forbidden Windchimes

“Stabby drums”

It’s a symphony in A-sharp, A-very-sharp!

These made me laugh. I would also like to posit the phrase “Dangerous Bells.”

Also, @quantumnius, you probably noticed, but to spell it out for those who didn’t, the piece ended up technically resting between the key of A# and B, which means it quite literally is in A-very-sharp. So your pun is exactly…on point. 🙂

Ah musical puns


I just wanted to share another aspect that often gets expressed as “I don’t like hearing about politics”. I don’t like hearing about all the ways in which the world sucks. I have limited emotional energy, even for the things that are important and will directly screw me over. Even things I can affect, but I can’t fix them at 11pm when I’m browsing tumblr before going to bed. Sometimes you need to close your eyes and take time to recover. (The problem is when you don’t open your eyes.)

So don’t go on tumblr, a forum for the open expression of ideas. People inform others because of true need and self preservation. If you don’t have the energy for that, again, what a luxury.

I’m sure POC would rather not have to keep using their energy informing the world of racism, but if they don’t, nothing is done. Because of racism.

That’s but one example.

If you don’t want to hear about how the world “sucks” then my advice is for you to do something about your feelings of powerlessness and actually participate in some way.

There are things you can do at 11pm. But of course, whether or not you do them is up to you.

So please allow me to reiterate—you don’t want to hear about politics in an open forum full of the very people being smashed by bad policy? Well then, become a hermit and don’t ever spend time on the internet, because you’re in for it.

That’s like going to the cinema and becoming upset with people who buy popcorn because you don’t like the smell of it.

I understand your feelings, but I’m trying to say that your compassion and desire to be informed and knowledgeable ought to shut off the nonsensical portion of your brain.

This “I only have so much energy” or “spoons” meme is very helpful for some in most circumstances, but one thing I wish modern humans would have learned (and I mean the last several generations) is that that idea never existed before. You have as much energy as you must until the job is done. That’s how your body evolved. That’s how energy is created.

I could go on a lengthy rant here, but I won’t. My point is simple: find the energy for the sake of everyone, or don’t come to open forums, when the people affected have the space and time to discuss.

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