It turns out…
I am those things.
I simply happen to also be a long-lived cryptid species who eats people and manages to get away with it by hiding in plain sight, but who’s keeping a list?
You may call me Simon. That name stands for all the extraneous details of the above.
@simonalkenmayer living a long life must be difficult because of how many idiotic people you’ve (probably) met. How can I become more like you?
More like me?
I don’t…precisely know what that means. What am I like, that you should be more like me? Yes I’ve seen many a stupid person, but I’ve also been a stupid person, so…I mean granted, I got over being stupid a long time ago, and since then many stupid humans have come and gone.
But I suppose everyone is stupid in their own time.
How do I deal with it? I remember the above and I breathe.
Then I eat someone.