This was my family’s spread for lunch at home today, and at 4 they went to my grandma’s house for dinner with the extended family. I’m not able to travel home until Sunday, so I asked my sister to save me a plate of my uncle’s brisket with spicy gravy and my grandma’s ham & potato casserole.


No. I’m not celebrating Thanksgiving

I’m locked and sequestered in my house. I am eating the things I normally eat when sequestered. I am not involving myself with many electronics today. I am essentially a hermit.


Let us simply say that the last week has been extremely hard on me both physically and mentally, that I am wrung our, hungry, generally agitated by everything human, and feeling as if I’ve just lifted my body out of a war zone.

I intend to sleep for a week, eat everything I can get delivered in addition to this rather large limb I have sitting here, and possibly also hork down a pie.

Yes, the entire fucking pie.

Don’t judge me.

No, you don’t have to wish me well. You don’t have to be sad or worried. You don’t have to be especially kind since you’re likely engaged in some sort of familial politics.

Just send me food pictures and recipes and generally be gentle with my mind. My thoughts aren’t at their clearest I admit.

Today my grandfather and I started the dough for tomorrow’s rolls, made mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes, prepped a 5lb rump roast, baked a pumpkin pies, sautéed mushrooms, onions, and garlic for the roast, shredded 2 pounds of cheese, and cleaned all of the dishes. Tomorrow we have to finish everything, which will probably take about 4 hours total. It was quite fun, although holding a chunk of beef roughly the shape, size, and weight of a human infant was… disconcerting.


Apple cider turkey brine

4 cups apple cider

2 cloves garlic, smashed

3 bay leaves

1 tablespoon allspice berries

1/3 cup brown sugar

1/3 cup garlic salt

1 tablespoon cayenne

1 tablespoon ginger

Peel of 1 lemon and 1 orange

1 onion, peeled and quartered

Bring to a boil, simmer for 5 minutes, cool to room temp. Add your turkey, then enough cold water to completely submerge it. Brine for 12-36 hours, depending on size.

Use the good unfiltered apple cider, it really does make a difference.

Then remove from brine, rinse, pat dry. Then smear herb butter under the skin and cook how desired. 



wife is pregnant, due any day

suddenly the contractions start

“CAN’T, WON’T, I’M, HAVEN’T, DON’T, ISN’T"  she says

“doc, it appears the contractions are worsening,” the nurse says. 

in between breaths, the wife gasps and screeches, “Y’ALL’D’VE”


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