Watch the clip before reading on.

Chef and I listened to this as we were driving on Monday. I laughed for about ten minutes. To me, the funniest part of it was the notion of him sitting there in the cell, thinking in a split second, “My god I regret my life choices.” But accepting it in that moment and realizing it’s what made him who he is. Ron “tater salad” White.

We stopped at a local store to pick up a beverage for our trip. I spotted a new drink I’d not seen: Red Bull Lime Edition.

I thought, “This sounds promising!” So I bought it. As we were checking out, he turns to me and shakes his head. “That’s going to suck so hard, Sigh.”

“Why so? Red Bull tastes alright. Very herbal. And this is sugar free, so it can’t be too sweet.”

He continues to shake his head, but says nothing else.

We get to the car and I open the drink. For the first few sips, I was driving and so wasn’t able to truly involve myself in commentary. As soon as we got around the road work, I stopped at a light and executed a full body shudder.

“That’s the most appalling thing I’ve ever tasted. Ever. What the fuck were they thinking? My god! This is horrible. It’s repugnant!”

He starts laughing.

“Ugh My god I’m beginning to regret all my life choices that led me to this decision!”

“New name. Simon Lime Edition Alkenmayer.”


“Nope! That’s your new name, and it has to be said with a southern drawl, Lime Edition.”

I thought he’d forgotten my new alias. Until today when I went downstairs and found a can of Redbull Lime Edition with a note.

“See you at 11, Lime Edition.”

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