Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Cheesy

If you have spent any time with me…then you know about the infamous cheeseball incident. You know that every year I’m given a gift basket, peopled with a new incarnation of my old foe…and that every year, I set the fucking thing on fire, for your amusement.

This year, it’s your turn.

Do your worst. I beg you.

The rules:

  • You must obtain a packaged store bought cheeseball
  • Destroy it however you see fit. I mean it. Do whatever you like so long as no one is in physical jeopardy and no laws are broken.
  • If you film it, upload the video to a YouTube account and submit the link to my blog. Sign your entry with your URL and tag it “Holiday Vengeance”.
  • If you take a series of images, create a post on your own blog and then send me the link in a DM. I will reblog it and tag it.
  • Likes count as votes
  • The deadline is January 31

Your prize will be a book and…something special. Very very special.

May the best demolitiomist prevail! Feel free to reblog!

@apmaffs … field trip?

Why would they do this to a poor cheese ball? 😢

I suppose you haven’t seen the story. You can find it here.

There is nothing pathetic about cheeseballs and I will destroy every last one until I’ve cleansed my mind of that stench.

I stand somewhat corrected, and despite my unrelenting love of cheese balls, @simonalkenmayer slay your demons!

Thank you ever so! I do hope you’ll do me the honor of helping to slay them also.


@apmaffs I say we buy a variety of cheese balls and see which ones burn the best. FOR SCIENCE.

Keep in mind I’ve been lighting one on fire for the public for several years now.









Christmas Cooking Contest

My friends! It is now time to begin our yearly foray into holiday feasting! I know some of you have been scouring your memory for terrible recipes expecting the usual “Bad recipe challenge” but this year, we are aiming to ressurect the glory of days gone by, rather than to call attention to history’s terrible jello moulds and cheese covered fish dishes.


The rules are simple!

Your recipe must come from a reputable source such as a historical book, cookbook, historical reference site, etcetera. It must date from the 1800’s or earlier. It must be an original version of the recipe—meaning you can’t go to a website and see their modern take on it. You have to find the recipe and source modern versions of the ingredients for yourself. The budget is $100 maximum, no minimum. The winner will be decided by your fellows—likes will count as votes.

To enter, you must submit a photo of your finished dish with proof of the date and your own URL, the recipe you found, and your version of it. You can enter as a group or alone. Please use the “suggested tag” “Christmas cooking contest” and be sure to sign your entry with your URL.

The prize will be a a signed book, a $50 gift card to a kitchen site, and a special gift from me.

The deadline is January 31, 12am PST.

Good luck everyone! I can’t wait to write essay after essay on all your creations! This contest is open to anyone, so feel free to reblog this for others! The more the merrier!

Is this a Christmas-exclusive contest or are dishes relevant to other December holidays accepted?

No! Any dish you like. Your peers are voting! Choose a recipe that will gain you votes!

I don’t think I’ll win but it’ll be fun anyway!

Never know until you try

Uh, that looks fun! Although, I will barely hsve a chance to rummage through my moms historical cook books before the holidays! Hm… Or didn’t i have an old* cook book here myself? Must look for it…

Anyways, this will be an interesting challenge!

*definition of old books, when I’m talking about them: must be at least from 1850s or preferably older

The deadline is January 31


Thank you Jill. That was very…informative.

Hi Captain! How are you this fine day/evening? I had a question about something you said recently. Basically it was that you can never get “full,” but I was wondering if that was impacted in any way by the limiting of the consumption of people to roughly 2500 calories. So, if you ate straight human, or heavily human, would that fill you up? Like humans eating meat instead of chips? I’m not sure if that’s something you discovered while experimenting with caloric needs. Thank you!

I do get full. There is a limit. The difficulty is I never feel full.

And the amount of human I eat in excess of 2500 calories doesn’t appear to have any bearing on that particular sensation.

How does one work up motivation to write an English essay on Macbeth that they don’t want to do? 😪

Find a point of interest in the character.

That play was written during the reign of James I, Elizabeth’s nephew. And it was actually important for one tiny, yet seldom discussed element that only ever appears if the director was savvy to the political climate of the time.

Would you like me to tell you? Of course you would.

Keep in mind that Elizabeth I was in a long line of upstarts who had trouble establishing a link to the “true line of Kings”. Look up Henry Tudor and how he came to the throne. Then read about the Pope’s difficulties and decrees against Henry VIII when he wanted to divorce his wife, split from Catholicism to do it…and married Elizabeth’s mother Anne Boleyn. James I’s mother was Mary Queen of Scots, who many believed was the rightful, Catholic heir to the English throne…in fact, the reason she was put to death by Elizabeth was for being involved in a papist plot to assassinate Elizabeth and take the throne. So when Elizabeth died childless and named her nephew James as the heir, the Scottish king who united the crowns and created The United Kingdom…well he had a bit of trouble convincing anyone he had a right to rule England.

At the time Macbeth was written, Burbage’s acting troop was beneath the patronage of the King. You’ll notice there is an instant in which Macbeth is given a glimpse of the future, of all the Kings that will proceed from his reign.

The last of that parade of kings was James I.

The artist appealing to his patron by establishing his legitimacy in the mind of the common man, for whom that play was performed.

So how do you write an essay about something? You find the fascinating bit and you tell the story. And then you think about all that it might have meant, implied, demonstrated about the time, the politics, the place of art in history, and so on.

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